Results Day

So everything’s fine. You’re chilling out enjoying your day when suddenly you remember. How could you really forget? I guess you never did. Today, is results day. Quickly you dress, your heartbeat has increased. Suddenly you realise that all the stagnant waiting is over. Something approaching excitement but which is really fear builds up inside you. It seems everything hangs upon the moments that are shortly to follow.

You emerge onto the street. Everyone around has their daily lives. Nothing significant is happening to them. You are probably pale now, your mouth is very dry. You know from your psychology exam that this is a natural reaction to fear. Since you know so much about psychology, you were probably fine. Your breathing increases and you start to sweat, but this is no doubt a side effect of walking quickly. There is so little between you and that white board with figures and letters. A short walk, a short tube journey and one more short walk.

A man and a woman approach you, smiling as though angels walk amongst us. Truly enough they are South African missionaries advertising their latest music and dance celebrations of god at Wembley stadium. Stern faced at first you force a smile and say you will think about it. They smile and nod, blessing you.

On the tube you ponder god and the influence he may exert over your fate. Considering that the results are up there waiting for you to simply see them, you know that he is irrelevant. You know you are desperate when you pray for something impossible from someone you don’t believe in…

Down the street now, nothing but concrete and steps between you and it. You consider that if there were a league dictating the most stressed people on the planet then you would have risen into the top area after spending forever at the other end. Strangely you cannot place any confidence in this result, one way or the other. You have done well and worked, but you feel oddly as if there might be a surprise ahead.

Up the final flight of stairs, you can hardly breath. You feel truly sick. Around the corner looms the notice board. You could turn now and never look. Life could go on and nothing would change, in the end though, you are more scared not to look. Momentarily you cannot find your number in the display. You find it, but hope it is another’s.

- I wrote this just over two years ago and since then I have turned failure into success on a fantastic scale. This weekend I experienced another set back of the kind, yet I feel I can rise from the ashes once again, a glorious Phoenix burning more brightly and brilliantly than ever before... If one never fails in life, how can one ever know when one is truly succeeding?